i'll keep you my dirty little secret

Rowan returned her smile, unsure if she really meant it or not. He hoped so...his spirits lifted slightly at the thought that maybe he had made her feel better. "I'm...I'm...glad I could help," he said lamely, reverting back to Awkward Conversationist!Rowan. He looked into her eyes. "You deserve to be happy..."

She looked into his eyes and breathed out. It was amazing how such little things could make a clio feel better. "You've always deserved happiness Rowan," she said, not taking her eyes away from his. "I don't want you to forget that--no matter what."

She couldn't bear him hurt, not again. "Thank you for staying with me, and for helping me out." Now she was being awkward. Not that she ever wasn't.

ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOU. Sigh.

"Happy to do it," Rowan muttered. Why had this suddenly become so awkward? It's not like anything had suddenly changed between them...had it? He didn't want to be awkward between them. He wanted to be able to keep talking to her, like he had been. "Alecis, I--" he started, but cut himself off when he couldn't find any words. There was so much he wanted to tell her...but no words that fit.

Alecis moved her hand over slowly, and set it on his. "You don't have to say anything, Rowan..." she said quietly.

And he didn't. She could stare at him forever and never get bored. But she knew that wasn't possible. She knew that sooner or later Rowan was going to have to go back to his family. Back where he belonged.

Rowan looked at her hand on his. He slowly turned his over and intertwined his fingers with hers, giving them a gentle squeeze. This was just...unfair. He was married with kids. He loved them. So why was he now suddenly having feelings for another woman? Who also was married with kids!

"So what do you want to do now?" he muttered, figuring she'd probably want to go home.

I don't want us to leave. Stay with me here. "I..." It was best for them both to go home, obviously, but she couldn't bear to say it. Of course, if she didn't say it, then he would. Mature, understanding Rowan would do exactly what was best--just like always. A sigh escaped her lips as she thought about it.

She shrugged slightly. "I don't know what I should do..."

Rowan knew what they should do, he knew what wanted to do, and he knew that they were both completely different things. But he was also pretty sure he knew what she wanted, and that what she wanted and what he wanted were exactly the same things.

Slowly, he began to speak, "If Ria asks," he said, "I can tell her I got caught up at an Overloridian meeting."

This was so wrong. He was a terrible person. But for once...it wasn't bothering him.

Not for the first time, Alecis found herself unable to breathe. Her
heart started to positively thump in her chest. This was wrong,
horribly, terribly wrong. But it was Rowan. And because of that, she couldn't wouldn't stop it.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

When Alecis didn't respond, Rowan worried that his remark had been a little too immoral/douche bagish/horrible. Which it had been, but considering that fact that Alecis had already cheated with him he hadn't expected her to be...judgmental. Oh, well.

"Or not," he said quickly, letting go of Alecis's hand. Awkwardly he stood up. "I'll--I'll just go then."

"No!" Alecis said much too quickly. "Please," she said, her eyes pleading, "don't leave me..."

She took his hands back in hers. She stood, moving closer to him. Her mind should have been screaming "Noo!" but it totally wasn't. And her body wasn't fighting her either.

Rowan slowly turned around. She wanted him to stay? He looked into her eyes. He thought he could see it, how she wanted him the way he wanted her. (Actually, Rowan, hate to burst your bubble, but you want her...she needs you.)

Quickly he put his arm around her waist and pulled her into him, pressing a passionate kiss to her lips. I'm going to be totally cliche and say, how could something so wrong feel so right?

AH, CLICHE SHANNON IS CLICHE.

Alecis finally couldn't bear it anymore. She returned the kiss, her heart beating wildly. Her arms found their way around him and she felt the muscles in his back.

Without thinking she started to lift up his shirt and push him back towards the bed with her body, moving behind him. The kiss broke so she could pull it over his head, but once she was finished their lips were back together. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think. She could only feel.

Rowan didn't let himself think about anyone other than Alecis the whole time they made love (which was a long time. GO ROWAN!) When they were done, he held her close, much in the same way he did after the first affair, but somehow...differently. They was more emotion, more significance...It wasn't just mindless desire anymore, and he knew that.

"Alecis," he whispered, just because he wanted to say her name. It somehow made him feel closer to her.

Her name on his lips, especially the way it had just been whispered, sent tiny shivers of pleasure down her spine. Thankfully the guilt hadn't come yet, though she knew it was only a matter of time before it consumed all emotion.

Alecis' head lay on his bare chest, and she was cuddled warmly against him. She had wanted this for so long. So looong! She nestled into him more after he said her name. She was so satisfied, so happy...

She traced his name lightly on his chest, smiling as she did so. Right now it was easiest to let her fantasies become reality. Right now, even if just for a while longer, they were together.

"I'll miss you," she whispered, still tracing his name. Ugh, why did this have to come to a close so soon?

Rowan smiled. Alecis's fingers on his chest left behind little tingles of pleasure. Somehow the passion had outweighed the guilt, and he felt like he was in a state of total contentment, high on his feelings for Alecis. "I'll miss you too," he replied honestly. "Maybe we can see each other again soon..."

That was more than Alecis could ever of asked for. To see him again. To hold him, to feel him...

She nodded slightly. Of course she would see him again soon. That was as sure as the decision that she would breathe again. Alecis couldn't think of a life without Rowan. She couldn't even imagine never... seeing him again.

She leaned over and sent a trail of kisses from his chest, up his throat, to his mouth.