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 why did you have to dieee? (we all miss you!)

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Alecis
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PostSubject: why did you have to dieee? (we all miss you!)   Mon May 25, 2009 9:30 pm

Alecis was drunk. Not because she was an alcoholic, but because she was in pain. It was Charlie's birthday again. And every year on Charlie's birthday, the pain from years ago came back.

This time was different than the past eighteen times Alecis had visited though. This time Alecis had done something that Charlie would never forgive her for. She had had sex with Rowan.

Tears dropped down Alecis' face and onto the ground in front of Charlie's tombstone. They sprinkled the dry grass, leaving little drops on the blades.

"I-I miss you Charlie," Alecis whispered through her tears.

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PostSubject: Re: why did you have to dieee? (we all miss you!)   Mon May 25, 2009 9:46 pm

It was the hardest day of the year for Rowan. Charlie's birthday. The birthday he never got to spend with her when she was alive. Their time together had been so short...too short. Somehow, after all this time, even though he was married with five kids, a part of his still loved Charlie so much.

Carrying a single flower to lay on her grave, he made his way through the cemetery. But when he got there, he was surprised to see someone already there.

"A-Alecis?" he asked, his voice cracking. He hadn't seen Alecis since...that night.

Ahhh, conflicting emotionsss.

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PostSubject: Re: why did you have to dieee? (we all miss you!)   Mon May 25, 2009 10:15 pm

An all too familiar voice brought Alecis out of her memories.

Rowan wrote:
"A-Alecis?"

A swarm of emotion ran over her body and her heart instantly quickened. She closed her eyes and bowed her head more than it already was.

"Rowan," she breathed quietly. She didn't know how else to respond. She wouldn't have known how to respond in Dahlin, much less here.

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PostSubject: Re: why did you have to dieee? (we all miss you!)   Mon May 25, 2009 10:20 pm

Now mixed with Rowan's grief was guilt, from seeing Alecis after having an affair with her some days ago. And somehow mixed with that was a strange elation at seeing her, followed by more guilt that seeing Alecis (at this time and place of all things) was making him happy.

"'Lecis, I..." he started out, not sure of what to say. He absent-mindedly drummed his fingers on the stem of the flower he had brought. "I wasn't expecting to...I mean...Are you here for her birthday, too?"

Of course she was, but he didn't know what else he could say to her.

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PostSubject: Re: why did you have to dieee? (we all miss you!)   Mon May 25, 2009 10:27 pm

Alecis turned her head to face him and nodded meekly. She sniffled a little. "She would give anything to be here," she mumbled through a new spout of tears.

And it was true. Charlie had been so full of life. So happy and carefree (a leetle too carefree if you ask me). It wasn't fair that her life had been taken. She was only sixteen! And now she would never experience the things that Alecis had gotten too. Growing up, getting married, having children...

"Rowan-- I, I'm so sorry!" she cried, as if any of this was her fault.

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PostSubject: Re: why did you have to dieee? (we all miss you!)   Mon May 25, 2009 10:34 pm

"For what, Alecis? Nothing that happened was your fault!" Rowan exclaimed, surprised by Alecis's sudden outburst. "Hey--come here." He took her by the arm and pulled her into a hug.

There's nothing wrong about this, he told himself, trying to keep his thoughts on grieving for the deceased love of his life, and not on the feelings he may or may not be having for the woman in his arms. Alecis was just very upset and he was just comforting her. None of this had anything to do with that night.

"Listen, Charlie wouldn't have wanted you to--" Rowan stopped. He had tilted Alecis's chin up and he could smell the alcohol on her breath. Oh, no. "...You're drunk."

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Swear I knew it all along
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PostSubject: Re: why did you have to dieee? (we all miss you!)   Mon May 25, 2009 10:39 pm

Alecis' lips quivered as he held her chin in his hand. Being this close to him was painful--just like old times.

Rowan wrote:
"...You're drunk."

Was she really? She couldn't even tell anymore. "I, I miss her!" Alecis choked, slurring her words a little. "Sh-she'd hate me though," she hiccuped.

The wind picked up a little and not even Alecis knew if it was natural of if she was doing it on accident.

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PostSubject: Re: why did you have to dieee? (we all miss you!)   Mon May 25, 2009 10:46 pm

"She wouldn't hate you," Rowan said softly, still cupping her chin in his hands. "Charlie could never hate anyone. When me and her were dating, she even liked Ria, remember? She even bought her presents." He kind of gave a sad laugh, the type people give when they think about someone they miss doing something amusing.

He remembered all the things she'd told him on her deathbed.

"I think," he said slowly, "she just genuinely wanted us to be happy..."

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I am
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I am selfish, I am wrong
I am right, I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am
Flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself

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PostSubject: Re: why did you have to dieee? (we all miss you!)   Mon May 25, 2009 10:52 pm

"Not me," Alecis said, more tears springing from her eyes. "I was horrible, I, I..."

So much hurt. The English language doesn't have enough words to express the hurt that Alecis was feeling.

She hung her head, letting her chin fall out of Rowan's grasp. There were so many things she wanted to say, but it wasn't the right time, or the right place.

She wanted to kiss her pain away, but while that would soothe one part of her ache, it would rip another open. She wanted to tell him she loved him. But that would open a larger hole that she couldn't bear to think about. She wanted to talk to Charlie. But that would never happen again.

_________________
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
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You and I collide
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PostSubject: Re: why did you have to dieee? (we all miss you!)   Mon May 25, 2009 10:57 pm

"You're not horrible!" Rowan told her. He was being completely honest, too. If anyone was horrible it was him, but he wasn't about to get in a 'who's more horrible' contest right now. He just didn't understand where all this guilt was coming from for her. Of course she must be guilty about the affair, he was too, but what did that have to do with Charlie dying seventeen years ago? "I don't understand, Alecis, why are you being so hard on yourself? You don't deserve it."

_________________

I am
Vindicated
I am selfish, I am wrong
I am right, I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am
Flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself

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PostSubject: Re: why did you have to dieee? (we all miss you!)   Mon May 25, 2009 11:03 pm

"I-it was my fau-ault!" she cried, "I ma-ade you break u-up, I-I killed her!" Of course, it wasn't her fault, but being drunk and sad makes people crazy.

"An-and I lo-ove you, but you-you're married!" she added, forgetting that less than a minute ago she had decided not to say it. "And I- I love her bu-but she's dead!"

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PostSubject: Re: why did you have to dieee? (we all miss you!)   Mon May 25, 2009 11:09 pm

Rowan sighed. This was supposed to be his day of mourning, but he couldn't ignore someone who was alive and in distress for someone who was resting peacefully. He carefully let go of Alecis and knelt down, laying the flower on Charlie's grave. I love you, he thought to her silently.

He straightened back up and put an arm around Alecis. "Come on, Alecis," he said to her softly. He could have told her none of the things she said were her fault, but he knew there was no point in arguing with a drunk person. "Just calm down and come with me, we'll get you feeling better."

He started leading her away. She couldn't go home like this, god only knew what she might say to her husband in her drunken state. He obviously couldn't take her to his house either. He supposed he could take her to an inn or something...

_________________

I am
Vindicated
I am selfish, I am wrong
I am right, I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am
Flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself

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