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 just to prove there once was magic

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Kaiden
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PostSubject: just to prove there once was magic   Thu Jul 23, 2009 10:20 pm

Kaiden was sitting on a rock. He was at the falls, but not really right next to them, he was more over by the woods. The reason he was so hidden was because he wasn't having a very good day.

He had gotten off from his job at the orphanage about a half hour ago. Working there had taught him a lot already, and he had only been working there for like three weeks. He was so proud of himself for stepping up and getting a job, especially one that was teaching him about children as he was working. It was a weird feeling, being proud of yourself.

ANYWHO, you're probably wondering, if he's so proud of himself, then why is he upset? Well, I'll tell you why. Julie. For weeks she had been just about all he could think of. He dreamed about her, he thought about her, he just couldn't get her out of his mind.

But she had someone else. She was carrying his baby, but she had someone else that she loved. And a week ago, she had moved in with him. And they were starting a new life together, and while Kaiden would always be part of it, because of Quill, he would also always be on the outside looking in. He could never be the part of the equation that he wanted to be.

And believe it or not, this made him very upset. It wasn't just that he was used to getting his way, it was just that he had never wanted anything this badly before. He had never thought he would give everything up for one single clio (or even two). But, here he was, totally changed from who he had been just six months ago.

And all because of her.

Sighing, he buried his head down in his hands.

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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Thu Jul 23, 2009 10:27 pm

Normally Julie wouldn't have come all the way out to the Falls, especially in her state, but she had a reason today. She had just found out her official due date (not sure why it took so long, but yeah, she only just found out) and wanted to tell Kaiden so that he'd be able to come to the hospital that day. But when she went to the orphanage where he was supposed to be working, she found out he had already left. Luckily one of the kids knew where he had gone; Tamar Falls.

So she made the journey to the Falls. Normally she would have just waited, but she was excited to tell Kaiden the news. However, her excitement faded when she saw him. He was sitting on a rock, head in his hands, and even though his back was turned Julie could imagine his expression, and it wasn't a happy one. What was going on...?

"Kaiden...?" she asked softly.

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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Thu Jul 23, 2009 10:32 pm

Kaiden hadn't heard anyone approaching because a million things were running through his head and they were louder than anything in real life at the moment. Until he heard someone speak his name. Only it wasn't just a someone, it was Julie.

He tried to pull his miserable expression into a halfway decent one, but as usual around Julie, his normal smoothness didn't seem to be working right. Giving up on looking happy, he put on a sloppy grin and turned to face her, hoping that maybe she wouldn't notice.

"Hey there Jules," he said.

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For being away for far too long
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Thu Jul 23, 2009 10:36 pm

"What's wrong?" Julie asked instantly. Of course she had noticed he was upset, it would be impossible not to. Not only could she tell from how he'd been sitting before he knew she was there, but she could see the sadness in his eyes, and hear the waver in his usually smooth voice. She had never seen Kaiden upset before, and it was unsettling, very unsettling...She was worried.

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There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be halfway to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name ♫♪♫
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Thu Jul 23, 2009 10:44 pm

Kaiden flinched. "Nothing," he lied. Then, knowing that she could see right through him, he gave her something else. "Just having a bad day is all," which was true.

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So keep breathing
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Thu Jul 23, 2009 10:50 pm

Julie sat down next to him. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked him, hoping he would, but knowing he wouldn't. This was kind of like when she knew something was wrong with Keiran and he wouldn't tell her what, only a little different. Kaiden was admitting he was upset, just not why. Though she supposed he didn't have to talk about it if he didn't want to, since unlike with Keiran it had nothing to do with her (so she thought.)

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There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be halfway to anywhere
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Thu Jul 23, 2009 11:01 pm

"I'm just having trouble, is all," Kaiden said, looking off at a bird that flew past. "It's hard for me, this whole thing." Of course, it was hard for Julie too, just in a different way.

He looked back at Julie, who looked amazing, as usual. "But it isn't that big a deal," he said, trying to brush it off. He didn't need to make her worried about him when she already had a ton of things to worry about.

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I have loved you all along
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For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Thu Jul 23, 2009 11:05 pm

Julie frowned a little. Did that mean he was scared? His life had changed a lot recently, he had changed a lot recently. It made sense that he would feel a little shaken up. In fact, she knew that feeling all too well. "Come here," she said softly, pulling him into a hug. She hoped he knew that they were in this together, sharing the same hardships. Neither one of them was alone.

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♫♪♫We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be halfway to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name ♫♪♫
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Thu Jul 23, 2009 11:22 pm

Keiran had just finished a day of work at the farm and wanted to go into the woods near Tamar to pick some beautiful flowers for his beautiful girlfriend. He found some colorful ones, in oranges, yellows, and blues. He was at the edge of the woods when he heard people talking. They sounded like Julie and Kaiden.

...

Feeling bad for peeking, because he always new he could trust Julie, he snuck up behind some bushes to see what they were doing anyway. They were hugging, but that was okay, it was just a hug right? He's hugged Eirian before, this was okay. Right?

His heart was pounding anyway.

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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Thu Jul 23, 2009 11:31 pm

The hug felt good, and it made him feel better. It made him feel happy, and strong. And it made him realize how he felt about the one hugging him. It made him realize that he wanted to be with her, and it made him realize that this warmness, this feeling he had when she held him, it didn't belong to him. It belonged to Keiran.

But even so, Kaiden couldn't help but wonder what life would be like if it did belong to him. If he could feel that feeling everyday, whenever he wanted, if he could hold her when she was sad, if he could make her happy the way Keiran could. And the thoughts were so overpowering, and so provoking and so gravitational, that Kaiden couldn't help but whisper her name, but whisper, "Oh Julie," in a rough but quiet voice, and pull away just enough to kiss her on the lips. Couldn't help to feel for just a second what Keiran got to feel everyday.

And he brought his hand up behind her head, and nestled his fingers into her gorgeous blonde hair, and held her to him, like maybe she wanted him there. Like maybe their lips would be touching forever. His eyes were closed so that in his mind she was enjoying it, that in his mind he could see her kissing him back, wanting him just as much as he wanted her.

But too soon, just like he knew would happen, she pulled away. And all of his fairy tales were pulled away with her. And then he was sitting alone, his eyes almost sparkling with tears because of how much he had wanted it to be real.

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I have loved you all along
And I forgive you, if you forgive me
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Thu Jul 23, 2009 11:45 pm

Julie held Kaiden, and gently rubbed his back. In the front of her mind, she was just comforting a friend, making him feel better. But deep, deep down, there was something less innocent going on with her feelings, something she couldn't comprehend at the moment.

Quote :
"Oh Julie,"

And right then she knew what he was going to do. It wasn't as though he did it quickly, it wasn't as though their eyes hadn't met first...Later Julie would try to tell herself otherwise, but she knew Kaiden was about to kiss her, and she didn't stop him. She felt his hand on the back of her head as their lips touched, and at that moment, she felt and understood what was happening deep within her.

For her entire life, Julie had known nothing but monogamy. Her parents had always been together, she had never been cheated on or cheated on anyone else. She had always believed in soulmates, that one couldn't love someone and still have feelings for someone else. But she had been disproved...

She loved Kaiden.

But she was in love with Keiran. She pulled away from Kaiden, her eyes sparkling with tears. "I'm sorry," she whispered, shaking her head. "I can't."

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♫♪♫We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be halfway to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name ♫♪♫
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Thu Jul 23, 2009 11:54 pm

Keiran watched them kiss, and he thought maybe Julie would pull away, but she didn't. Did she actually like kissing him? Keiran's heart wasn't beating fast anymore, but it wasn't beating slowly either. It had stopped beating all together. The world started to spin, and it was spinning too fast. His eyes felt hot with tears that were fighting their way out, and his stomach had felt like it was flipped inside out and the vomit was inching it's way up his throat, but worst of all, his heart felt like it had cut in half by a large axe.

He looked down, and blinked rapidly, and grabbed his chest, the tears wouldn't stop fighting, so finally he shut his eyes tightly and they fell to the forest floor. He started sobbing quietly, and it wouldn't stop. How could Julie do this to him? Didn't she love him? Wasn't he enough. No, he must not be, because Keiran wasn't the father of her baby, Keiran was just her boyfriend, nothing more. Just something to play around with, and something to keep her company. And if that was all he was to her, like he obviously was, why the fuck didn't she leave him.

He let out a little whimper, got up, threw the flowers aside, and flew away before his sobs got louder.

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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:06 am

Kaiden caught her eyes for a second, her beautiful ocean blue eyes, and saw the tears. Saw the sadness that had been caused by him.

He wanted to look away, to run from the hurt he had just caused, just like he used to run from everything. But this was Julie, this wasn't his past, this was his future, his now. And so he forced himself to stay.

His heart was ripping, was flopping, but he couldn't leave. "I didn't mean for this to happen," he told her, honestly, in the saddest voice. He hadn't meant to get her pregnant, to hurt her by leaving, to come back only to complicate her life, he didn't mean to hurt her by his kiss. He hadn't meant to fall in love.

And he wanted to tell her, to voice all his emotions, to let her see just how he felt, but he knew it would just hurt her more.

_________________
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you, if you forgive me
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:12 am

"Me neither," Julie whispered, shaking her head, her eyes wide and sad. "Kaiden, we'll always have a special bond, we'll always be in each others' lives but...beyond that..." What kind of terrible person actually had feelings for two different clio? She felt like she was breaking Kaiden's heart, and she felt like she didn't deserve Keiran's. What was wrong with her?

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♫♪♫We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be halfway to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name ♫♪♫
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:17 am

Kaiden nodded. He knew, he knew what he could have, he knew what was possible. But the knowing, that didn't make it any easier.

"I'm sorry, Jules," he said softly, his voice strained. He looked away, looked out at the trees that offered such solitude. "I shouldn't have, I knew..."

I knew, but I couldn't help it. Because I love you. Because you're my only one. But you aren't. Because you're his. And because, because I don't deserve you anyway.

_________________
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you, if you forgive me
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:23 am

Julie looked away too. It was true, he shouldn't have kissed her, but he couldn't control how he felt. Come to think of it, neither could she, but that didn't make her feel any better for herself. She knew then, that Kaiden must be feeling terrible too. But she was worse, she was hurting clio, even if she didn't mean to. She wiped her eyes.

"I'm the one who should be sorry," she said finally.

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♫♪♫We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be halfway to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name ♫♪♫
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:27 am

"No, no Julie," he said. She shouldn't think this was her fault!

He looked back at her, but she was looking away. "I just, it's hard for me to hide the way I feel, I've never had to before..."

And goddamn it. She still looked beautiful. She still looked like his heart.

"But I wont, I won't do anything anymore. I promise you, I promise." He wouldn't hurt her anymore. He couldn't.

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For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
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Believe it
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:34 am

"I'm not sad because you kissed me," Julie choked out, the tears starting to fall again. "I'm sad because I'm making you sad. And...and because..." Because I'm a terrible person and I don't deserve Keiran. Because I'm so confused right now. Because I'm a terrible person and I don't deserve Keiran. D:

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♫♪♫We're leaving here tonight
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They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:43 am

Kaiden wanted to hug her, wanted to comfort her in anyway possible, but holding her didn't seem like the right thing to do right now.

"Julie," he said softly, trying to hide his own feelings and just worry about her. And magnificently, incredibly, it worked. His hurt subsided for hers.

"You don't have to choose, Julie," he soothed, wanting so bad to smooth her hair, "I know what you need to do. I shouldn't have done that to you, Julie. I know you love him."

He let himself rest a hand on her shoulder, rubbing and squeezing just a little. "It was never a question for me, I know you need him."

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I have loved you all along
And I forgive you, if you forgive me
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:46 am

Julie looked down, tears still dripping down her face. Kaiden was right, she did love Keiran, more than anyone. She never had a choice to make, because it would always be Keiran. But that didn't stop her from feeling guilty. Guilty for causing Kaiden pain, and for not being good enough for Keiran.

"I don't feel like I deserve him," she whimpered.

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♫♪♫We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be halfway to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name ♫♪♫
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:52 am

"You pulled away, Julie," Kaiden reminded her softly. "You could have let me kiss you, but you pulled away."

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I have loved you all along
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For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
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Believe it
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:55 am

"But...I still..." she sniffed, and the rest of the words, if she even had any, were drowned out when she suddenly began sobbing. This was just so hard. Maybe this was what she really wasn't ready for: Love. Real relationships. She obviously couldn't handle this. Not how she was supposed to.

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♫♪♫We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be halfway to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name ♫♪♫
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Fri Jul 24, 2009 1:02 am

Kaiden's eyes grew when she started bawling. "Oh, oh Julie," he said, finally pulling her back into a hug. "None of this is your fault, Jules," he said, smoothing her hair and trying to talk soothing though his heart was breaking with every word.

"This is just one big mess," he whispered to her. "It's no one's fault."

Who could have known that all this would happen?

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For being away for far too long
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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Fri Jul 24, 2009 1:04 am

"Th-that doesn't make it h-hurt any less," she managed in between sobs. "D-does it?"

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PostSubject: Re: just to prove there once was magic   Fri Jul 24, 2009 1:24 am

It didn't. But what else could he say to Julie? To beautiful Julie who would never be his?

"No," he finally breathed. He said it so quietly he wasn't even sure if he heard himself.

Not knowing how else to comfort her, he just stayed, holding her as she cried, and whispering reassurances. He would stay forever, just holding her. But he knew, sooner or later, she was going to return home. To Keiran. Just like always.

_________________
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For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
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